Tuesday, October 7, 2008

i thought we'd passed this point a long time ago.

but apparently not.
i wish talking was still an option. because i am starting to see things from a different perspective. i don't want to be your enemy. but i didn't know what i was signing up for when our lips met. you're the only one smart enough to understand the stupidly big words i throw into the tiniest of sentences. laced with sarcasm, decorated with self-deprecation. i know you got it. and i know you wanted to fix me.
i'm sorry for pushing you away.
at this point all i want is your hand and your lips and the warmth of your hoodies and good memories. i'm so tired of seeing you in the halls and following the code. second period reminds me of you. we've got the same hatred. and there's never a better way to bond.
but i won't let myself feel weak again. and i won't fall to your ways.
it's just so hard.

and you, girl, the way you push and pull drives me crazy. "i'll steal you" was just a joke but now it seems so serious in the dark of my room. there were looks shared today, awkward hands, hugs and double-takes. i don't know how to treat you, now. everything got so solemn since last night. maybe i'll take a leap, saturday. my room is infamous for bad decisions and overly forward moves.

to you: i know you read this. it is not a competition. but it is. i miss your hints and calls. but i'm forcing you out. i'm trying not to care. i want to stare you down from higher ground and pretend i don't know i'm a hypocrite. we both know this is still something so strangely big. i just can't handle it.

"tell me again the part how you didn't feel a thing.
the part how you never actually really ever did."