Wednesday, March 26, 2008

always epileptic under a barrage of too much human emotion.

how did it get to this?
it's the question you ask when you're underwater, post-mutiny.
lightheaded with nerves running everywhere.
it's not so much a "did that just happen?" kind of thing, more of "how did i let this happen?"
your shakes will blink on and off. always with nothing to appease their anticipation.
my mind is somewhere else when we touch. away. you are a wax figure and my nerves do not exist.
"i am sorry" always runs through my mind. it's the only thing i can say.

you never answer back.
i keep getting left for dead.
and i keep coming back.

Friday, March 21, 2008

off the record.

a lot of times, i think i would've been better off being born a guy.
but then i remember how it feels to be the little spoon.
or to get kissed. not to kiss.
or to have the hand around my waist.
or to feel the little kisses on the forehead.
or to be called pretty over and over again.

and then i'm glad i've got what i've got.
until i decide it's not what i want.

yeah, i've got a boyfriend. rare occurrence. once in a lifetime chance to be jealous of some guy if that's... i'm what you're into.
this goes out to a few specific boys.
one i miss, one i'm ambivalent about, one i'm completely uncertain of.

can you guess what color you are tonight?

honestly, the only actual problem is that i just don't want to feel like i do in such prime conditions.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

two things.

my world is not all i know.
and i want to be a part of everything.