Sunday, February 3, 2008

"anymore"

is so absolute.

i am exactly how you think i am.

one of my good friends told me a few weeks ago a very big secret of his to relate to what i was crying about that night.
he's a brilliant boy, always spitting lines like "apathy is synonomous to hell," and he was the first person other than my mom to ever hold me when i cried.
he was actually the first person outside of various therapists, to ever listen to me about my stepdad.
he checks up on me. he asks if i'm okay. he can tell when I'm lonely. and he fixes it. he knows i'm a mess and he knows what's best for me. he likes me with the glasses on or off.
and he's real. he's more real than anyone i think i've ever met.
he's amazing. i'm so glad i know him.
but that secret was a crack. and it made me hurt for him.
he cared about me the night i told too many of my own secrets to him. he hung on till the morning.
i want to take all his open wounds and stitch them shut, I want to hug him and let him know someone cares like he did for me. i want to take him away from his father and take away all his apathy about love and tell him he's so incredible.

I want to make this boy breathe clean air every time he inhales. i want to make this boy live to his fullest without anyone hindering his success and hopes and dreams. i want him to marry the prettiest girl and have the nicest house and go to the bahamas every summer. i want him to be the happiest boy alive.

for now i'm content with being his "kiddo." he's my superman. but I'll show him things like he showed me. and i'll make sure he grows stronger.