Monday, October 22, 2007

"that age where everything seems vaugely life or death."

looked at the sky today and it started to rain.
dreamt of that kid in the lunch room having the same likes as me and we kissed and it felt electric.
when i woke up it felt so real.
stayed under the sheets and pretended someone was under there with me. i mean someone was just not who i wanted it to be.

when you talk of dinosaurs and the future, puzzle-piece brains and vials of chemicals,
it just gets me so down, kid. i don't know how to tell you.
makes me feel more like a little speck than usual.

for all my spelling errors and whacked out thoughts i hope i do not scare you away.
i used to think i was a good writer but then i looked around and i was just like everyone else, with a few different words pushed in different spots.

you text me from the front seat because you know talking's not okay. i feel small around you. but not the kind that crushes your little insides with sorrow, the kind that tells you that you have a protector with open arms ready to catch you when you collapse. but it's not love, oh no, love would kill me. it's more of a hug-and-smile kind of thing, a catch-and-release friendship. thie fall isn't going to be the same, i can feel it, but i'm hoping at least the world will change again. i need it to or i don't think i'll have any more hope in my little head.

it turns out all my friends are already someone else's friends.

i don't have enough experience to be telling you. i just want to live here and think about the way things are and will be. that's really all.