Thursday, September 20, 2007

west never gave me this bad feeling before I knew about the coast.

weirdest life vibes. nerves are finally settling after the bomb of the first day of school has been detonated. talking to different people about different things. but I still keep true to myself and wonder if they really like me or I'm conversed with out of neccessity.
oh well. listening to brand new a lot lately which has been advised as bad for my mental health. writing more notes on the phone than in my brain. not much to say otherwise.

more notes from the phone, as written while watching some skin deep modeling show. that has nothing to do with them though. my brain doesn't remember writing these. this is all backup ammonition.

"toothpick between my teeth. I am contemplating life. commercial breaks in reality, you are the forgotten movie trailer. limited edition. you look too young to be here. the hair flip strategy (mentality). undercover insults will lie underneath my words and between my teeth until the day I die. sometimes you get a little too overdramatic. promises like water. I do not hear your words and forget what i say. the preshow. Im only shooting from the hip now, i guess. whatever that means. I never bothered to ask. two mistakes in a group. you are the third worst; not the bottom two but less loved all the same. your tv lies. the scripts are flawed. compress it to an hour long (special!). i spend too much time looking in the mirror and I have paid for it with my life. eating disorder without the disorder. gossip on your tounge and you live through your mouth. you're always fighting something. your lips lie. brooklyn accents, brooklyn haircuts. death before betrayal, tattooed on your back. you're smearing your eyeliner now. there is nothing profound resting in these words. I swore I'd never share them. you live on the coast but you live like the midwest. you are out of place and everyone knows. sleep in a dream. close those eyes.

I fall in love with boys with curly hair in brooklyn vintage shops. I fall in love with boys with beards and glasses, intellectual facades. I fall in love with you walking down your street next to your bicycle. I miss you, even if you were all in my mind.
I fall in love with life when it bothers to fall in love with me.

I had a panic attack in first period today. it was surreal.