Saturday, June 30, 2007

on end.

even at this age I still feel as though I am risking my life when I put my feet down from my chair while my mom is sweeping the floor. my nerves still flare and jump.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

God. I believe.

I bought my school backpack today. a little crazy I guess since it's june. But it's green and pretty.
I am doing pretty great when I hang out with you. and when I talk to him I am not. So this is my life.
The point of this. So. I am breaking up with my toxic friends. I am gaining very healthy ones. I am with God. I am seeing the importance in things.
This sounds a little weird because I feel a little weird with all this new input in my life, and it's all just a big blur. And I'm tired right now.
but my best friends are nick and nicole. And this gives me more comfort than you know.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

would you make it out before the water filled your lungs?

there are walls being built between us no superman could break through. I miss you in the kind of desparate way, where you have to let it go or it'll destroy you. I'm every battleship that's ever been sunken by a former lover. I'm every scowl you place on your face when the times get low. I'm the fucking brick you throw through my living room window in a flaming attempt to get some revenge. I don't want to be saved in this state where it's mostly eat drink sleep repeat. Call me a sissy and I'll tell you to fuck off. I may cry but I have dignity.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

unfamiliarity will be the death of me.

this feeling we're creating is getting big enough to live inside. thank god because that's all we've ever wanted.
underdogs always come through in the end, huh?
well i'm sick of being the underdog. make me important and loved.

"he sang i wish i weren't me just of the key of love until his voice went out."

"it's just this bad beat that I just can't keep."

i make a new journal every time I tell anyone of an existing one of mine. it's like some self-destructive tendency that keeps me going though.
saving pennies for the sidekick now.
all these naievettes are pathetic in their bubbles of sincerity. give me a break. no one'll care when you trip when you talk to that boy, no one'll give a fuck when you move away. you're all just talking to the wall. give it up 'cause you'll never get a real response. fake ones, sure, but sincerity is what you're looking for, right?
the black and white of the world got to me. that's all I can say. the thoughts of this and that infected me. that's as far as I'll go.
I've found the attraction in being social again. don't blame me. it's only as surprising as it'll ever be.
"the girls in the stalls, they laugh and they laugh, but they do not know, they're stuck in a trap."

I don't like music for the moment.

Friday, June 8, 2007

this is just a fond farewell to a friend.

these disco glasses look good on my friends but not on me. and it's the saddest thing in the world.
the flush of a face when your heart drops like the ball in times square is the most valuable thing i've ever seen.
it's crazy with these oreo cookies and kitchen nights up late in the ghost summer. because that's what I've decided it is. it's a ghost summer and we're all living it. you with your drugs and me with my nights. I've wanted to open my bedroom window for ages now.
come over, please. I'm just so upset with the way this all seems to have turned out. and I know you are too. so let's just find some solace on the couch with all that heat smoking in through the windows.
first-century people didn't figure this out and neither will I.
the security blanket I based my life on just so happens to be formed out of rotten threads.
get it right.